It was on this day last year that I had to take an early retirement from my job because of my illness. At that time I was bit worried as I wasn’t sure about what I’m going to do without work. But I am glad that I made the call to stop working at the right time. I still miss my job, but on the other hand I got time to spend with my family, especially with my daughter. I even traveled to India during the winter and got a chance to meet my uncles, aunts, cousins and really old friends.

Since last year my has gone down as well. I have lost all of the strength in my hands and only have small movement in the fingers of my left hand. I now use a switch to access the computer. I no longer have strength to cough and need to use a BiPAP to get a good sleep. But even with this severe disability I look forward to each day as I get time to enjoy with my daughter.

Few days back I wrote about my dilemma regarding writing letters to my daughter. A friend of mine shared this radio talk with me and it really helped. You might want to listen to it starting about at 9:40 minutes into the talk.

Act One. Letter Day Saint.
Rebecca was 16 years old when her mother Elizabeth died of cancer. But before she died, she wrote letters to Rebecca, to be given to her on her birthday each year for thirteen years. At first the letters were comforting, but as time went on, they had much more complicated effects. David Segal tells the story. David is a reporter for The New York Times. (14 minutes.)

[From Parent Trap | This American Life]

As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I really don’t want her to grow up under my virtual shadow after I am long gone. I would rather have her tread her own path and get all the happiness that she deserves along the way.

The one thing that troubles me about my illness is that who will teach my daughter the lessons that I have learned over the years? Someone suggested that I write letters to her which she can read later in her life. I tried writing but couldn’t go further than writing ‘dear’. It was just hard for me to write because it made me realize that she will grow up without me and I couldn’t comprehend what she might be going through when she reads them. Nevertheless I still want my experiences to be there for her when she needs. This article on CNN might just be the answer. What do you think? Is ‘Dad Council’ something that could work for me? Trust me it is very hard to digest the fact that I might not be around when my daughter needs me the most.

I haven’t updated my blog for quite sometime now.  But fear not, I’m back and will be updating my blog regularly.  I needed sometime to adjust to the technological changes that I need to keep up with my illness.

Looks like I was able to beat Wisconsin winters in a big way. While it’s snowing in Madison, here in Mumbai it’s tropical. Life in Mumbai is pretty relaxing. Initial few days were rough as folks around me couldn’t figure how to help me in the best possible way. I too was bit tired and jet lagged during that time. But now things are very smooth. A typical day here for me includes video chatting with my daughter and visit from my old friends.

My mom and father want me to try homeopathic treatment while I’m in Mumbai. I’m not sure if it’s going to help me, but I’m going to give it a shot. Who knows if it will help.

My father made sure that the house is completely accessible for me and my power wheelchair. My wheelchair can easily go around the house without any problems. Getting around Mumbai is completely different as most of the city isn’t for physically challenged. Since I love Indian food, once a week we rent an accessible minivan to go out for dinner. As most of the restaurants are inaccessible for me, we just stick with restaurants in luxury hotels as they are designed with accessibility in mind. Anyway the food is good and I enjoy the time out. I like the veggie burger which McDonalds serves in India; just to clarify this veggie burger is not same as what McDonalds serves in USA. Since most of the McDonalds are inaccessible, my father gets it for me once a week. With so much food around I just need to make I don’t gain weight.

PS: My mom’s surgery happened yesterday (12/9) and she is doing fine. She will be back home sometime early next week.

I just finished updating look and feel of my blog. You like it or hate it? Any feedback/comments?