Parent Trap | This American Life
Jun 23
Few days back I wrote about my dilemma regarding writing letters to my daughter. A friend of mine shared this radio talk with me and it really helped. You might want to listen to it starting about at 9:40 minutes into the talk.
Act One. Letter Day Saint.
Rebecca was 16 years old when her mother Elizabeth died of cancer. But before she died, she wrote letters to Rebecca, to be given to her on her birthday each year for thirteen years. At first the letters were comforting, but as time went on, they had much more complicated effects. David Segal tells the story. David is a reporter for The New York Times. (14 minutes.)
As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I really don’t want her to grow up under my virtual shadow after I am long gone. I would rather have her tread her own path and get all the happiness that she deserves along the way.
What I find challenging about leaving letters for my son would be to anticipate various aspects various challenges that he may be facing or about to face, the world he may be living in. Once a father, always a father…we want to protect and be there on the sidelines as much as possible. However, seeing his antics and hoping he has the best of me and shilpa, I feel assured that he will be fine. Everyone takes wrong turns in the journey of life but eventually all reach the same place albeit at different times.
Irrespectively I still think writing is a good idea. But maybe that’s just me. It’s what I would want if I were Nishant’s Daughter.
I was misdiagonsed with peripheral neuropathy and few other things for which I receieved treatment also but was later told I don’t have it.At that time it made me think what if I am not there for my kid.He was just few months old.
I realized life can be very uncertain for anyone. That’s when I thought I would like to leave letters for my child.
I wanted to write about my love,wishes and blessings for my child. I think you should write something for Anika.
Nishant – As you probably remember as we were working together at that time, my first husband died of lung cancer when my son was not yet 2. I tried to convince him to write letters to Peter. He was a literature grad student, and had a way with words, plus I thought it would be important for both of them. He didn’t want to do it, and I still regret not pushing back harder. I say write away! It will be important for your daughter to hear things from you in your words, even if they don’t mesh with what is going on in her life at that moment. It will help her feel like she had a relationship with you, not through the stories that her mother and others share about you. I think that is important. That is my 2 cents, based on my experience.
Hey dude, I had read your post and article that you pointed to a while back and both left a lasting impression on me. I’ve been trying to find the right words to express my thoughts on them. The article is good in that it tells you what to NOT write. Indeed if all a person is going to is preach and impose their ideas on how live life, its probably not a good idea to write. However, there are plenty of things you could write / make a video about that would make Anika feel loved and closer to you when she is older. There will be times when she will be depressed and looking for support. I’m she would love to hear some encouraging words from her father at those times. I couldn’t have said this better than Pinak above: ” It’s what I would want if I were Nishant’s Daughter.”
Hey dude, I had read your post and article that you pointed to a while back and both left a lasting impression on me. My thoughts on this are that the article is good in that it tells you what to NOT write. Indeed if all a person is going to is preach and impose their ideas on how live life, its probably not a good idea to write. However, there are plenty of things you could write / make a video about that would make Anika feel loved and closer to you when she is older. There will be times when she will be depressed and looking for support. I’m she would love to hear some encouraging words from her father at those times. I couldn’t have said this better than Pinak above: ” It’s what I would want if I were Nishant’s Daughter.”
Yes, you could talk about your childhood, your growing up experience. In other words a autobiography so she can relate to you and feel closer to you. Even though your tone will not be preaching she will learn a lot from you and will be able to take decisions based on how you tackled a situation in college. Everyone in her life will be too busy to give details about you and they might feel she will start missing you if they talk so much about you. This will also give you a chance to look bak at this wonderful journey of life that most of us take for granted. Good Luck.